0:33 AM 29/8/2011

Mỗi lần nghĩ đến tương lai mình lại thấy thật mệt mỏi và chán nản... Cảm thấy khó chịu và ghen tị với thành công của người khác. Mình làm sao thế... Biết phải làm gì đây. Mình đã ra trường được 2 năm, đã thay đổi rất nhiều... nhưng tất cả dường như vẫn thế. Mình vẫn vô dụng, sống không mục đích, không quyết tâm, làm gì cũng hời hợt... Tất cả đều như vậy, chẳng biết mình sẽ sống ra sao nữa.

... Nhiều điều muốn than thở... Nhưng mình cũng biết rõ, tất cả là do mình, chẳng thể trách cứ ai...

Chỉ cầu mong lúc này mọi người trong gia đình mình mạnh khỏe, bình an... Những vấn đề của mình chỉ có thể trông đợi vào sự thay đổi của chính mình...

Cố lên!

March 07, 2011

Không hiểu được chuyện gì đang diễn ra với mình nữa.

Mình mất hết nhiệt tình trong công việc, làm ăn chểnh mảng, cãi nhau với mọi người và nói những điều khiến người khác khó chịu, nói những điều ảnh hưởng đến người khác, và làm họ hiểu nhầm mình.

Mình thật sự không phải là con người như vậy... Chẳng có việc gì diễn ra như ý mình muốn. Mình phải làm sao đây.

Dự định, mong muốn của mình, chẳng có gì là mình thực hiện được, luôn để cơ hội vuột đi mất.

Mình bắt đầu cảm thấy bản thân thật chây ỳ và vô tích sự. Chẳng biết phải làm gì để hết cái cảm giác này.

Mình tự hứa với bản thân là sẽ cải thiện, sẽ làm thật nhiều việc, nhưng... cái cảm giác đấy vẫn không mất đi được. Mình lại vừa gây gổ... mình vốn là người nhịn rất giỏi cơ mà... việc gì phải nổi xung lên như thế... Mình vốn là người kiểm soát bản thân rất tốt... chẳng hiểu chuyện gì đang diễn ra với mình nữa... mình cũng không hiểu nổi bản thân đang bất mãn với điều gì...

Mong là chuyện này sẽ sớm hết thôi...

Stressed

I'm so tired of being here...

...

I have no ideas what I am doing with my life, my career, my dream... I don't think I have a reason to live any more. This is so non-sense. I don't feel anything any more. What I know is I'm too tired of everything. All I care about now is work and I can't seem to make it done well... I don't need anything to be perfect but... I feel like I'm stuck here... in a never ending mess. This is so tiring.

I guess this is what people call overload at work. Honestly, I want to quit them all... but I'm trapped... I'm poor and I'm nothing.

I might need a plan for my life... a better plan... and I'd better follow it, not like this year... I promise. I will...

Hoa.

WONDERFUL WORLD

I've been down so low
People look at me and they know
They can tell something is wrong
Like I don't belong

Staring through a window
Standing outside, they're just too happy to care tonight
I want to be like them
But I'll mess it up again

I tripped on my way in
And got kicked outside, everybody saw...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

Sometimes I feel so full of love
It just comes spilling out
It's uncomfortable to see
I give it away so easily
But if I had someone I would do anything
I'd never, never, ever let you feel alone
I won't I won't leave you, on your own

But who am I to dream?
Dreams are for fools, they let you down...

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I wish that I could make it better
I'd give anything for you to call me, or maybe just a little letter
Oh, we could start again

And I know that it's a wonderful world
But I can't feel it right now
Well I thought that I was doing well
But I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
I can't feel it right now
I got all the right clothes to wear
I just want to cry now
Well I know that it's a wonderful world
From the sky down to the sea
But I can only see it when you're here, here with me

And I know that it's a wonderful world
When you're with me

Happiness

You can see it, can even feel it too... The happiness in their eyes.... their smile....

Entry for February 13, 2008 (8 AM - 13/02/2008)
Hey, how it's going? Is everything alright? Long time no see... Fine, just fine, listening to a really cool song about friendship..., a cup of coffee, it's a bit cold today, actually really really cold, wake up early in the morning, and talk to myself like an idiot, haha... I'm feeling really great today, haven't had this feelings for a long time... I know that it's all gonna be alright, no pain no gain... Shit! A day before Valentine's day, I almost forgot this damn day!!! Well, tomorrow, I know that there're many people out there still single and feel like me now, but you know how hard it's to really get over this, I never seem to be able to... Whatever, just a day, who cares? Oh yes, I care, everybody cares... Just forget it, just another day, I will call my friends and maybe spend tomorrow with my best friends, just like last year, not sitting around at home, watching TV or doing some knitting like everyday... It'll be fine... Hey u know what, these days, I seem to be really selfish, just care about myself... I don't even know what happen with my family, I hope that it'll be ok... Everybody has time of desperation.. I hope that it'll be fine, really... That's all I can do, I will spend more time with my family, buy gifts for my parents when I have money, I will not ask for money too much... Please protect my family, my parents, my sister and my grandma... They are the most important things in the world to me... I could be happy and I know it, 'cause I deserve it, I'm worth it... That's it, I will be really happy!!! By the way, Happy New Year (a bit too late 'cause I don't have time) and Happy Valentine's Day too (this is for tomorrow, I don't think that I have time to write blog tomorrow or have the will to sit here and writing)!!! Ok, have a nice day! Enjoy yourself!
And the picture of candles stands for the hope for happiness! My hope!

Entry for February 8, 2008 (2:20 PM - 8/02/2008)

Entry for February 8, 2008 (2:20 PM - 8/02/2008)
You've heard that, haven't you? Ok, enough... and I'm trying to get used to it! Isn't it kind of funny... not exactly, I do think that I can laugh... but it's kind of ... I don't know how to say.. just a little disappointed... about myself... OK... I can deny that I'm a loser... maybe not that much... but I really am... how can I change my situation right now.... Now, it's not only me who know how miserable I am, but everybody know about it... Shameful!! And all I can do is just pretend that everything's just fine... yes, just fne... and talk to myself that it'll soon change... I'm trying to figure out the way that I should carry on... but I'm hopeless.... I hate to admit it but I have to... Maybe it's the worst time of me... Just forget it... 'cause I know that, I'll soon get over it! Everything's gonna be fine... maybe I can do nothing for this right now... just calm down, things will probably change for something better... hope so... I hate that verybody know about my situation and oh god, they all feel sorry for me... stop asking me stupid questions like that... I hate it... It's just so annoying... They are so so happy while I'm not... that's why I'm so stressed now... It's always the same reason... I keep telling myself to stop being envious with other people but I can't... I'm not going to do anything bad... I swear... I'm just disappointing myself, hurting myself by my own feelings... Oh shit! God, don't be so hard on me... I'm a good person, aren't I? I care about other people, my family, my friends, and even the people I don't know, the beggars on the streets... why it seems that it's just wasteful... my friends... none of them care about me, maybe I just don't know how to be a good friend, or a close friend... I don't know, and I just become more and more neglecting about everything... even my self... it looks like that I'm living in my own world now, nobody cares about it and I don't even want to let anybody know... I'm just stuck in that... and can't get out... I know it'll soon end.... I realy don't want my life to go this way, I really do want... please, help me out... I'm just blind now... I don't want to do anythign, I can't see anything, can't do anything... All I want to do this time is go back to sleep... as much as possible... 'cause it's the only time I don't think like that, don't feel stressed... nothing but peace... really....