Entry for February 8, 2008 (2:20 PM - 8/02/2008)

Entry for February 8, 2008 (2:20 PM - 8/02/2008)
You've heard that, haven't you? Ok, enough... and I'm trying to get used to it! Isn't it kind of funny... not exactly, I do think that I can laugh... but it's kind of ... I don't know how to say.. just a little disappointed... about myself... OK... I can deny that I'm a loser... maybe not that much... but I really am... how can I change my situation right now.... Now, it's not only me who know how miserable I am, but everybody know about it... Shameful!! And all I can do is just pretend that everything's just fine... yes, just fne... and talk to myself that it'll soon change... I'm trying to figure out the way that I should carry on... but I'm hopeless.... I hate to admit it but I have to... Maybe it's the worst time of me... Just forget it... 'cause I know that, I'll soon get over it! Everything's gonna be fine... maybe I can do nothing for this right now... just calm down, things will probably change for something better... hope so... I hate that verybody know about my situation and oh god, they all feel sorry for me... stop asking me stupid questions like that... I hate it... It's just so annoying... They are so so happy while I'm not... that's why I'm so stressed now... It's always the same reason... I keep telling myself to stop being envious with other people but I can't... I'm not going to do anything bad... I swear... I'm just disappointing myself, hurting myself by my own feelings... Oh shit! God, don't be so hard on me... I'm a good person, aren't I? I care about other people, my family, my friends, and even the people I don't know, the beggars on the streets... why it seems that it's just wasteful... my friends... none of them care about me, maybe I just don't know how to be a good friend, or a close friend... I don't know, and I just become more and more neglecting about everything... even my self... it looks like that I'm living in my own world now, nobody cares about it and I don't even want to let anybody know... I'm just stuck in that... and can't get out... I know it'll soon end.... I realy don't want my life to go this way, I really do want... please, help me out... I'm just blind now... I don't want to do anythign, I can't see anything, can't do anything... All I want to do this time is go back to sleep... as much as possible... 'cause it's the only time I don't think like that, don't feel stressed... nothing but peace... really....