Confide...

11.38 PM 11/11/2007

Guess… I have many to talk about, but don’t know exactly what I want to say…

Seems like I really get over it, nothing left, no emotions, no bad feelings about it… Feel very well, everything’s just fine, wonderful…

My everyday is kind of busy… but nothing has been done, I need to plan my life, both short –term and long- term, just to be better… There’s something new happens to me and I hope that it would be ok, hope that’s it were not my imagination and nothing would become worse… Hope so…

It seems to be so hard to trust anybody, even my friends… I hate hearing people talking about me even when I know that it’s nothing, what they say can’t affect my life even a little bit, I don’t have to waste my time thinking about it… but I can’t get out of it… Fuck! How can they become so annoying, sometimes I thought they were my friends, but it seems not… I have to learn something from this, I can’t trust anybody, be careful and sham, just to protect my self…

Really want to get out of this complicated world… I didn’t mean I want to die or something like that, I just want to cut off some annoying relationships… I don’t want to behave, act, or do anything just to satisfy anybody… but it’s so hard to break the rules… I can’t be what I really want me to be just because of others… So stupid… but It’s the way I live for 20 years… I’m always affected by others even though I really hate it… What makes they think that they have the rights to comment on whatever I say or do… So crazy… How stupid I am. It’s my life, and whatever they think or say about me is nothing… I am who I really am, please don’t waste time thinking about this fucking shit any more… Hope that it’s the last time I have to write about this…

Talk about another stuffs, just to forget those fucking things… Another stupid things... :)) "Money" - it's always a big problem to me… No plan, no specific purposes… hope that I can buy something worthy before being broke…

Haizzz... Having a crush on somebody is kind of fun… Emotion or something like… love is so funny, these stupid things remind me of a song named “What’s forever for…” – If love never lasts forever, tell me… what’s forever for… Very meaningful, right? Maybe it’s about real love which supposed to last a lifetime… I have liked a lot of people, now I can’t remember all of them, and can’t understand what makes me interested… Whatever… ! But I haven’t been in love, or officially have a boyfriend yet… It seems to be really strange for a girl like me, 20 years old without a love… Stupid! Sometimes it makes me worried, a lot, but sometimes it seems to be not a big deal… What will be will be… I always ask myself if I have to make some moves or nothing will happen… and the answer is always “Wait and see”… Maybe that’s the reason why I’m still lonely up to now…

Whatever… such a long long blog… It may be the first time that I have written blog in English… I have studied E for at least 10 years… but it seems that my writing, speaking is just about level A… ha ha, I should be ashamed of it… I always say that I should try harder and harder… but it’s really hard, you know… sometimes we need some pushes… But I myself are doing my best… to do something… God knows… =))